overwhelmed.

I have been in a nearly-constant state of feeling overwhelmed and anxious about life.  It of course fades periodically, while I am enjoying myself with friends/family and am too busy to think, but as soon as I think I am safe, there those feelings are again, ready to overtake my brain.  I think there are just too many things I am trying to balance in my life, and I am being very unsuccessful.  A few things on my mind:

a) My nearly 4 week trip to New Zealand with my family in November - I keep thinking about all this time that will be 'lost' for work and overall life-planning.  But I am so excited for this.  I am trying to plan this memorable-for-life trip that is taking up much more time than I feel I can devote to it right now.  And it's coming up in almost 2 months!  Really, not that much time.  I have a mountain of travel books and websites we need to go through, accommodations to book, etc. etc. etc.

b) Work.  It is still overtaking my life, so I feel I can't leave it at work and I am spending time on it at home.  And the days I don’t, I am so drained that I can’t possibly focus my brain on bigger things.

c) Career path.  I feel like I’ve had a few realizations about what I want to do long term, but I’ve not directly worked in the environment, and I don’t have time to before the application deadline.  I’m not completely sure yet that this is the program for which I want to apply.  How do I know this is the career path for me?  Do I even have time to figure it out?  I want to sit down and really research the program, meet with the admissions people to see my potential for admission, potentially have a few coffees with people I could call up to see if they could chat about the field with me.  But this requires time to focus on it and really think, and my mind is in so many places right now it’s just exploding.  I need to take some of my OT days at work when (if) things calm down so I can really think.

d) Grad school application.  If I choose to apply, I would be applying for entry in September 2012.  Applications are due February 1st, which means I really need to be working on my application as SOON as we get back from our vacation.  Actually, it would need to be before that, since for references, I'd need to contact them probably in October to see how they would feel, so I can find alternatives if necessary.  I just read that references can’t be accepted online until the online application has been submitted, meaning that I’d need to work on all my answers and have them done by early January, to ensure all my references could submit them in time.  Christmas in the middle of my vacation and the deadline make me feel slightly panicked. 

e) Love?  We already don’t see that much of each other... not to mention I’ve been wanting to try to figure out our relationship on a deeper level... also need a clear mind for that...

f) Friends.  We’re already all so busy – I love spending time with my friends even 1 day a week, in person, as well as online/phone for those not in the GVRD...

g) Family.  We keep in touch over the phone, but I’d like to see my mum at least one full day every 2 weeks...

h) Home.  If I can’t maintain my home, it just adds to the anxiety, as it is hard to come home feeling drained and seeing all that needs to be done...

i) Other aspects of life.  I need to cut my hair, I need to get my camera training from Black’s, I need to get groceries, I need to pick up hockey tickets, I need to go do all the other errands that are required for life to not completely blow up...

There is probably more, but this has already gotten way too long.  A-D are definitely the ones causing the most pressure at the moment, due to their degree of impact on my life.  I feel like I need to use a few days of my OT I have before November to have days to sit-down and really review grad school.

This entry kind of exploded.  Like my brain.  That’s enough for today.  I wonder if this helped or made things worse...